Website Let's You Send Post-Rapture E-Mail

If millions of Christians suddenly disappear (via the Rapture) from the face of the Earth as the opening act for Armageddon, I would imagine that most nonbelievers would be too busy freaking the hell out to check their e-mail. But if they do log in, now they can be treated to some post-Rapture messages from their missing friends and loved ones, courtesy of web startup YouveBeenLeftBehind.com.

For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.

"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," reads the website, which is purportedly run "by Christians, for Christians." The domain name is registered through an anonymous proxy service, presumably to protect the proprietors from the Forces of Darkness.

The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row -- a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.

Users can also upload up to 150 megabytes of documents, which will be protected by an unidentified encryption algorithm until the Rapture, then released to up to 12 nonbelievers of your choice. The site recommends that you use that storage to house sensitive financial information.

"In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorneys," the site says. "There won't be any bodies, so probate court will take seven years to clear your assets to your next of kin.

A few questions:

• How many Christians currently believe in the rapture?
• Can someone be a Christian and not believe in the rapture?
• What decent message could you possibly leave to those loved ones "left behind?

Possible letter:

Hey loved ones,

Well, if you receive this, I have been raptured to heaven. I don't want to say I told you so. But, I told you so.

Well, I imagine it is too late for you.

I will think of you and reflect upon my love for you for the rest of eternity while you burn in hell.

Love Always,

Your Raptured Loved One